Task 2 - what if
- Notice some action that you’ve been avoiding. It could be anything from going to the gym, to calling someone on the phone, to creating plans to achieve something you want or need.
- See if there are any “What if’s?” in your way. “What if I fail?” “What if it’s too hard?” “What if I’m too tired?”
- Find the meanings relating to those “What if’s” by answering the “What if” questions. Your answers to these questions are additional meanings.
- Notice the reality of the situation. What’s really happening? Right now.
- Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and the meaning you are giving the events that exists only in your mind.
- Take note of whether your feelings dissolve or not and record your experience below.
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77 Comments
Jo
May 25, 2015Major fear stopping me from launching my book are dissolved when I sit back and look at the positive what ifs 🙂
jay
May 25, 2015The What if’s exist, however my life will not be harmed as long as I can use these experiences as a learning tool and grow from them.
Eric Kumasaka
May 25, 2015There is a residual feeling of embarrassment from sounding foolish but I clearly understand the difference between physical reality and my thinking.
Marek
May 25, 2015Feelings dissolve, because the meaning i gave to the “what it” was only in my mind.
Lila Stageberg, MD
May 25, 2015I see layers of meaning that need to be pulled apart and worked on one at a time. My biggest is fear of looking foolish, a form of I’m Not Good Enough, and I Need People’s Approval To Be Okay. I have to honestly report that I can dissolve a single set of Occurrings, and then find a long string of cousins. I clearly understand it is the thoughts that I create and hold that arrange my attitude and feelings. I keep working on it.
Pumis
May 25, 2015My major “what if” is “what if I win?” It may sound counter-intuitive and sitting here thinking about it, I don’t think the feelings dissolve. I know logic dictates that I think “win” and I do but still feel that somewhere in my mind, I am not convinced I deserve to. I have done well in the other aspects of my life and feel grateful and deserving about those, just not in my finances.
Osman
May 25, 2015I’ve been avoiding speaking up in social situations, for the fear that I might stutter.
Some of the several What-If’s that come in the way are: What if others laugh at me? What if they think of me as inferior (because of my stutter)? What if I the moment I open my mouth the stuttering starts to begin out of no where? What if I’ll embarrass myself and be doomed forever in people’s eyes?
The general broad-stroke answers to these What-If questions: I’ll be seen as a worthless creature, having no value and nothing to give to the world. I’ll be seen as boring and dull. Nobody would like me to be with them. I’ll be ashamed in my own eyes. It will be shameful. Exposing my stuttering means there’s a dent in my personality, an malfunction…. it will mean there’s something wrong with Osman.
As I try to distinguish between what’s happening in the physical world and the meanings that exist only in my mind, i realize there’s no real danger out there in the “physical” world. The level of anxiety has dropped a little but somehow i am not able to distinguish the meaning from reality for a lot of the instances. My mind is still failing to make the distinction…. my mind is like “Of course they’ll laugh at you if you stutter bad” and consequently “if they laugh at me at means there’s something definitely wrong with me”. I need to dig deeper and probe into why do I interpret being laughed at as being wrong myself.
Lilly
May 25, 2015I’m afraid of failure and sometimes I feel insecure. Sometimes things do not come out as I wish and I believe it is because It will not work out, because of the crisis, or because people do not appreciate my job, or because I don’t know how to do it, maybe I’m not good at business, so I go back to the idea of finding a job and just be an employee again. But I do not want to give up! I really believe this is a great project and I just have to keep up with my dream. If I weren’t insecure or afraid, I would give obstacles a different meaning, like “all business takes some time to start and grow, so I just need to believe my business will grow and be successful”. The meaning I’m giving to some facts in reality is holding me back. I need to change the meaning I give to facts…how to do it?
Kevin
May 25, 2015Recently, I got a couple of sales positions, and caused my termination from both because I was afraid to push myself out of my comfort zone to do what was necessary to achieve the sales. I’ve since been avoiding applying for sales positions, because of my fear of stepping outside of my comfort zone. (I had never done sales before the first two jobs, but had always thought I could do well in sales; and always thought I would enjoy public speaking.) It’s not too hard to see that I’m causing my own problem here by assuming that I won’t be successful, even though I obviously know that fear is at the root of my discomfort. I’ve got a bit of introvert in me, and I believe that this is what’s at the heart of my problem. Even though I feel quite comfortable in my mind about “doing” sales; sometimes the introvert in me comes out and causes the fear that stops me from moving forward. I think that my two biggest what-ifs, are: What if I stutter or can’t gather my thoughts during a presentation, and look foolish; and, what if I’m good at the sales game but don’t deserve the financial rewards because I’m not worth it? (I lived a fairly poor childhood, and remember quite distinctly feeling both anger at life for treating me so shabbily, and feelings of melancholy about being so worthless in my parents eyes, that they would allow this to happen to me.) As some others have mentioned, reframing old childhood thoughts to be closer to the truth can sometimes work; but can also sometimes not be enough to overcome decades long programming to the contrary. I hope your scholarship program can permanently turn around this conditioning.
And I can’t help but say something to Osman, because as I read his what-ifs, they made me angry. Osman: How about if others were to laugh at you for stuttering, and like me, instead of feeling foolish, you got angry at these “supposed” adults instead. I know that anger is considered a “negative” emotion; but in certain circumstances it is definitely ok to be angry, and can even possibly heal you and maybe straighten out others. Perhaps your anger would settle you down and stop the stuttering, and you could then verbally straighten out the “children”, who obviously need to be let known that their childish behavior is far less than acceptable. (Kind of like hitting the bully, which straightens him/her out.) And one other point I keep seeing in various places on the internet over and over: Others will treat you in the way that you show them you want to be treated. It’s up to us to treat ourselves in the way we want others to treat us. If we have no respect for ourselves, others will take that as us showing them how we feel about ourselves and unfortunately, will treat us the same way. This dovetails into the general idea that we are responsible for how we live our own lives; which means we are also responsible for our own self-care, which includes the self-love that we left behind or had programmed out of us during early childhood. I keep seeing that people in general are having a hard time as adults in realizing that self-care is not only acceptable, but necessary for a stable mental/emotional life. I hope that you can install the idea that no one is better than you, and that their judgement and hypocrisy simply show that they are trying to make themselves feel better in their own lives, by making you feel poorly. Try not to judge them, because they are having a hard time with life too; but definitely don’t let their poor behavior affect the way you feel about yourself. Time to realize that your (all of our) ideas about your (our) self worth are way off base. You are as valuable as anyone on the planet, and vice-versa. Perhaps Morty has a source of information about how poor self worth happens; and more importantly, how to re-program the subconscious mind for high self worth – which is related to self confidence.
Frankie
May 26, 2015I realize that my major fear is of looking and sounding foolish if I ask for help or if I attempt to help others and my advice isn’t beneficial. I understand that this fear is just a mental “problem” or fear that only exists in the world of thought and doesn’t actually physically exist. I also know that no one is perfect and that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them.
Alex
May 26, 20151. I avoid searching for instructional materials I can use to understand the guitar, so I can play properly based on coherent musical theory, as opposed to playing random bits of music without really understanding what makes them work musically.
2. What if it’s too boring?
What if it takes too long?
What if I get impatient taking the lessons?
What if it takes too long for me to see results?
3. I will not enjoy it.
4. Right now there are many videos and lessons waiting to be taken online. I have the instrument beside me, and I can take the lessons or not.
5. In reality, there’s the lessons and the instrument. In my mind, I am not enjoying taking the lessons.
6. It became more clear to me that the assumption that I would not enjoy taking the lessons was jus that: an assumption. And I can’t necessarily know whether I’ll enjoy it or not.
Sean
May 26, 2015I just have the constant sense that if I don’t do something well enough, I’ll be killed. No what-ifs.
umadmin
May 27, 2015Sean,
So your “what if’s” might be “What if I don’t do it well enough?” Answer: I’ll be killed.
In either case the meaning “I’ll be killed could be dissolved with the process we’ve given you. Why not try it and report back?
Dan
May 26, 20151. What if I don’t stick to it? I will hate myself and will have wasted my time.
At the moment nothing is happening at all. If I do nothing then I will gain absolutely nothing, the situation can only get worse by inaction.
2. What if I miss out on some awesome revelation amongst the incoming info. I might miss something which leads me to the answer of life’s purpose itself.
At the moment good information is getting lost in the volume I am processing. Getting closer to the essence of life’s purpose is a process progressed through experience, not what we read.
3. What if I loose spontaneity by regimenting my life. I will miss out on the important things.
You are loosing spontaneity by being bogged down by unimportant things. This will help you participate more fully in life.
Rob Buzan
May 26, 2015My what ifs are what if I’m not able to dedicate the time and energy to this endeavour. Also, what if I fail and I’ve spent time and energy that I could have devoted more to my family on something that wasn’t fruitful?
I realize that what is really happening is that I don’t know for sure if I’ll not be able to spend time and energy on my project. I also don’t know if my family will even mind if I spent that time elsewhere rather than with them. Both of these situations I’ve made up in my own mind. I feel the meanings are dissolving as I work throughout my answers. What I see now are just situations that in reality have many possibilities.
Suzanne
May 26, 2015My what-ifs have to do with failing to do a good job, that my project won’t be good enough and other people will feel let down. I think I’m afraid they will be angry with me and disappointed. I suppose if these things came to pass, then I would learn where I needed to make some changes and improvements. It would be a good start and definitely better than not doing it at all. I suppose if they were angry or disappointed with me that I can see those feelings belong to them and the meanings they are giving to the situation. I don’t have any control over what they think. As I think about all of this, it seems that there is something to be gained even if it isn’t a complete success. We can all grow through this process and have a great time. It is dissolving the fears.
Lynn Hubbard
May 26, 2015Ive been avoiding ringing a friend. We had a disagreement, and I felt as though she was blaming me.{my meaning assignment up and running}. I wrote down my “what ifs?” which were; what if I ring her and she is still blaming me?
what if she doesn’t want to talk to me? what if she is angry with me? I answered these questions for myself, reminding myself that I was the one giving the meaning to any of these “what ifs”.Such as, what will it mean if she is still blaming me?…it could mean many things, I framed it as her “blaming me” but that is also a meaning I gave to her behaviour.
I decide to call her, we talk, she apologises and says she was upset that day.Im glad I made the call.
Jan
May 26, 2015I have been avoiding designing and writing content for my website. … Despite of my technical background, my concerns are “What if its too hard, what if its takes too long, what if its too expensive”.. If it is too hard or takes too long, then the meaning is that building website for my current job is not in alignment with my goals. So my mind is not convinced that building this website serves a purpose. Now as I’m writing these words, I’m more motivated to start working on the website because this is how I currently make money and it is a opportunity to learn as well.
Christina
May 26, 2015What if I’m not studying correctly? What if everyone else is better at it than I am? What if I just don’t get it?
What if I’m just too different to get it?
Rodney - Director of Training, The Lefkoe Institute
May 27, 2015Christina,
And what happened when you tried all six steps – answering the questions and dissolving the meaning?
Laura
May 26, 2015What if people don’t like my work? I am seeking everyones approval. In reality not everyone will like my work and that’s OK. What matters is how I feel about my work. Target the people who are interested in my style of photography. Many like my work and some prefer another style. It does not mean I’m not good enough.
Les
May 26, 20151. Action being avoided –> Recording the voice-over/narration for several of my training videos.
2. What-ifs –> What if it’s not “perfect” enough?
3. Related meanings –> It won’t interest/impress people enough. They won’t have the high regard for me and my product offerings that I want them to have.
4. Reality –> I’m finding “legitimate” or “believable” or “justifiable” reasons (i.e., excuses) for not recording the narrations (e.g., it’s too noisy now, I’ll probably get interrupted and will have to edit or start over, my voice and inflection might not sound like I want it to, etc.). Result: I keep putting it off.
5. What’s actually happening (in the physical world) vs. the meaning I’m giving the events (in my mind) –> I see people all the time offering videos where their voice/pacing/word choices/etc. aren’t “perfect”, and yet they are effective. And actually, a healthy amount of “imperfection” makes the person and their message seem more natural and authentic, and I like that. I want that. I’m willing to take “imperfect action”, and the risk of “not being perfect”, in order to get this task done, AND MEANWHILE I’ll know that (i) it’ll get done, (ii) it’ll be “perfect enough”, (iii) it’ll be effective, (iv) I’ll probably be more satisfied with the results than I anticipate, (v) I’ll FEEL SO MUCH BETTER that I got through this block.
6. Did the feelings dissolve? –> Yes!
Justin
May 26, 20151. one action I am avoiding is following up with prospects on a regular basis.
2. What if I don’t know the answer to the questions they have since I am new to the company.
3. Meaning- I will not have the answer to questions they will have and they will think I am incompetent and will not want to do business with me.
4. Reality-I have prospects that I need to follow up with.
5. I distinguished between reality and the meaning I gave it.
6. The meaning dissolved and I feel empowered knowing that if I don’t know the answer to a question that I have resources all around me to provide the information needed.
Kathleen
May 26, 2015What if i fail? I’ll have wasted a lot of invested $$ which I am running out of > which means I’ll have to work at a traditional job > which will be grueling since I have a medical condition which prevents me from doing what “normal people” do > which means I’d probably grovel for an old job back which was unfulfilling> or choose a new low wage job. Either way I will be disappointed in myself. Being self employed is what I’ve been trying to do most of my life and in every endeavor in the past Ive had to quit and work for someone else, not enjoying what I do in order to support myself.
I’ve always defined my life by what I do and accomplish. I want to have a life where I feel validated and value what I do. To fulfill what I think is my purpose here. Creating for myself and others.
I’m not sure if writing this changed the facts but I’m more motivated to keep trying.
Michelle
June 2, 2015Stay motivated Kathleen! It may help to know that I feel exactly as you do with wanting to be self employed and have been trying for many years. I’ve been on and off doing contract tech jobs I dislike immensely and they just suck the life out of me. In reality, I have not really even tried to start my own business to this day – I just fritter days away learning more and more about my chosen path, get myself more stressed on how it must stack up to established experts out there already out of the gate and get distracted reading more and more… ugh. I need to take action! Let’s do it!
Tia
May 26, 2015What if I don’t really have what it takes to be a good coach? That will become perfectly clear as I step into the realities of coaching. I don’t really believe that though. I already know from past experience that I will be an awesome coach. I can see through the fine lines and grab hold of the real issues clients aren’t seeing.
What if I fail? Then I do something else and let the rest go. I’ll feel bad about myself and see it all as a failure, but I’ll also have done it and will no longer be a wannabe.
What if others laugh at me and talk about me behind my back…. Same as failure…. But, do I really care about those who laugh at me as I embark on a new stage of my life and career? No, I don’t….
What if I do make it and lose those who “love” me as I am and not as I want to be? I get new people, those in the same energy mindsets, those who won’t try to drag me down to their levels. I want to achieve something more than what I am today.
What if I’m simply a lazy blowhard pretending? Then I own it and let the rest go.
What if I don’t step up to my vision of who I can be? I’m still not moving quickly enough….I’m still squandering my time. I’m still not where I want to be. I’m still dreaming and not putting it out there.
The actions I’m avoiding is finishing the website, setting the blog up, putting my ‘shingle’ up and doing it. I’m still in the dreaming stage and not the doing stage. Moving into the doing stage is really difficult as it relates to overwhelm and failure. Doing it one step at a time, one day at a time, is easier.
My feelings seem to be fake. The truth is, I let those things take hold so I don’t have to take the steps to be more…. Perhaps I’ve been too comfortable in my old mindset and allowed that to become my reality, while straining against my outer reality and best vision of who I truly am, not who I see myself as.
And, yes, I also feel foolish now! Good thing I can laugh at myself in a positive and healthy way. Those old nemesis feelings are gone. They were in my mind, not in reality. They were simply false and dishonest meanings to stop me from moving forward – out of fear and anxiety.
Thx Morty! You’ve done it again.
Erica
May 26, 2015What if I can’t support myself? That’s a big “what if” for me. My response to that questions is “Well then I must be a loser.” But as a look around in the room where I am typing I can’t find any evidence of this. All that is really happening right now is that I am typing. … Wow! That instantly made me feel better about my self. Thanks, Morty.
Hernan
May 26, 2015What if I can’t have success myself? That’s a big “what if” for me.
My reaction to that inquiries is “Well then I must be a washout.”
All that is truly event at this moment is that I am writing and seeing.
That instantly made me feel better about myself,
because I’m out of my meanings.
Amy
May 26, 2015There are so many what ifs. What if I fail? What if people don’t like what I am doing, or worse, don’t like me? The truth is that all what ifs are only fears of the future that are stopping me in my tracks. Even if some of them are based on past experiences, it doesn’t mean they will happen again in the future. And even if my what ifs happen, I know I can make it through and I least I tried. Facing my what ifs in life is better that living with the regret that I could have, should have, maybe would have made it if only I had made the effort. My what if feelings aren’t dissolved, but I can see past them with new determination and they no longer completely block my path.
Nicholas Godwin
May 26, 2015I know that promoting my program would require some marketing effort. Marketing demands money, or so I think. I had the “what if?” running behind my mind as “what if I spend all that money and no one signs up for the program? I’ll be broke!” The fear of being broke is really the challenge. As I type out these words, I’m beginning to feel STRONG and FREE from the need to “not be broke”, I feel I can run this promotion and succeed with it. I know I can get what I want, because I already have it here and now within me.
Matt
May 26, 2015I went through this process with something I’ve been procrastinating on for weeks and months. I finally feel like the blocks in front of me have been lifted. I’m actually excited about this. I’m taking more action then I have in a while, and I’m getting antsy to continue. I feel hope and momentum! This worked great!
John
May 26, 2015Procrastination due to fear of being not perfect. What if I just do it.I feel better already knowing I am on the other side.
Margoth
May 26, 2015What if I dont make it. If I dont make it I will have wasted my time and money. If I dont make it then nothing will work.
Rodney - Director of Training, The Lefkoe Institute
May 27, 2015Margoth,
Did you go through the rest of the steps? If so, what were the results?
Niyi Sobo
May 27, 2015My what ifs:
What if I reach out to people, and they are not interested in what I have to offer?
What if I try real hard, and t doesn’t work out?
Then I’ll be a failure and I’ll never reach my goals.
Then I’ll be frustrated and give up by making an excuse.
Then I’ll be embarrassed because of all the people Ive told that I will succeed.
None of these are even happening, because I haven’t even reached out to any heavy hitters yet. Not only that, people aren’t out to see me fail, they support me.
The reality is that I must be rejected if I want to succeed.
The reality is that not everyone needs to be interested in what I have to say. Just the right people.
This was helpful, because sometimes I feel my confidence is so high that I don’t have any negative beliefs. But I notice Im still not taking certain action, and when I dig deeper, I can see i am still entertaining some negative thoughts.
I’m unstoppable.
Tudor D.
May 27, 2015I guess it’s fear of what could happen, fear of succes sort to say…
star
May 27, 2015Yes the feelings dissolved but not completely
Rodney - Director of Training, The Lefkoe Institute
May 27, 2015Star,
That’s at least a step in the right direction. What were you working on?
Noll del Mundo
May 28, 2015the what ifs?
what if im too tired?
what if I can not find the right Organization for me?
what if my husband wont allow me to join any org?
All these are yes – just in the mind – what ever what ifs there are – if we find a way to work around it – we will eventually be able to hurdle all obstacles.
Arik Chepoy
May 28, 2015I’m trying for two days to set the right understanding for 1 situation; I have an issue with picking up the phone and cold calling in order to sell clients.
I’ve eliminate a whole bunch of beliefs that limited this action and from being frightened on cold calling anyone, now I easily pick up the phone and call….BUT…now I understand that there is another issue underling everything else about the same issue:
I know I have to make the phone calls and I avoid it by all cost – thinking I should work on myself, working on myself, thinking I lack something, getting that something, thinking I’m too tired and resting – which in the reality has nothing to do with any of these: I have all it takes and nothing bad will happened even if I manage to screw things up the worst case scenario…and for some reason, I woke up today knowing that I’m going to make these calls and nothing. I found a justification for not doing them – “I feel a little ill…I can’t do that right now because I’m not in a good shape.”
I write this and laugh hard at myself because this is childish behavior for me and I stop myself from doing it.
Has anyone experienced such block in calling other people? it might be related to cold calling or sales. Which is still something I explore as of many days already.
If anyone encounter such a problem and resolved it, please, share with me some knowledge.
Arik Chepoy
May 28, 2015I figured that maybe – The lack of planning to make A move – kept me first place from achieving what I wanted to do, meaning: I already managed to figure out many beliefs and resolved them and that means I can freely move with force, right? Totally.
Now, because this was something I dealt with in the past, I eliminated the belief and the conditioning didn’t resolved yet – meaning, maybe I don’t fear on calling and selling anymore but the lack on putting myself on the track, that is the reason that keeps me actually still in the mod of “block from taking action” because I have some trigger yet unresolved – conditioning?!
I don’t know what would be the result but I’ll will go ahead and start it right now.
Arik Chepoy
May 28, 2015Truly interesting discovery!
I’ve been putting off tasks I know have to be done no question asked, and I’ve got pretty much a whole bunch of “What If’s” going on – which is not surprising giving the fact that I don’t get lazy but I get tired each time I need to do them and mostly 99% of the time I manage to put them off, giving different excuses.
Here’s my What if’s:
– What if it’s too hard?
– What if it’s too much and I’ll get tired?
– What if I do it all and still not finish?
– What if I’ll be tired?
– What if I’ll get lazy?
– What if it’s too frustrating?
– What if it’s too overwhelming?
– What if it’s overwhelming and I can put it off for later?
– What if it’s too hard and I can take a rest first?
– What if I can rest before a hard task? – assumption that it’s already hard\overwhelming..etc…
Given the ideas I hold when in my head no wonder I feel instantly tired whenever I only sit down doing the tasks – that way I do the tasks but something that can take only 1-5 minutes can linger to 2-3 days.
Giving the new and interesting discovery of these thoughts I can easily eliminate what hold me back on doing my planned tasks.
Arik Chepoy
May 30, 2015Oh my god…Two days to solve this.
I no longer feel exhausted, frustrated and the need of rest before or during doing any task related my future.
Remember these movies where they show a hero who’s losing something that hold him back and finally he gets new life, different from what he’d expected he will have.
Uplifting feeling it is because I no longer feel that I need to rest before doing what I needed to do and knowing that few minutes ago, same actual moment was driving me crazy because I couldn’t focus on accomplishing it.
Arik Chepoy
May 28, 2015I still can dig up why I delegate on calling. If anyone could help up, much appreciated…
Ilya
May 28, 2015I had a problem with this exercise.
Because I’m having a hard time making real changes in my life and actually doing something instead of thinking something, for example deciding in what area do I want to start business, what exactly I am going to do and so on and so forth, my “What if” question are connected mostly with future – I’m afraid that I might fail in some way and become a funny story to brag about, or that my close friends will be more successful and I will feel embarrassed deep insight.
Though nothing of this actually happened in reality so far. These are some things that stop me from getting to action. Now I’m just working 9-5 and am mildly annoyed by my life, because I want it to be different but scared to make that difference.
Gordon
May 28, 2015Fear is what stops me! And believe me it is a FEAR!
Arik Chepoy
May 28, 2015Good bro, it’s good to realize you fear.
What could happened that got you scared of doing this?
What if you get hurt doing this – what you fear?
Judy
May 28, 2015Fears and insecurities generated by my nemesis question, “What if I fail?” dissolved when I stopped to “get real”. A new question flashed across my mind. It made me laugh at myself and filled me with enthusiasm to forge ahead with my dream. That question was, “What if I don’t try?”
John
May 28, 2015I’ve been avoiding committing to a topic and seeing it through to a finished book.
What if I lose interest while I’m writing. What if I can’t get it published (even by myself). What if I do all that work and later find it to be insignificant.
What is really happening is that I have so many possible ideas that I keep wanting to shift from one topic to another
I’m over-thinking that my ideas will be insignificant. This doesn’t relate to my real self-perception. Therefore, I can make in an ongoing project of continuous writing. Why not? Right now the feeling shifted to an optimism that this can and will occur.
Debi
May 28, 2015I am afraid of making the same mistakes as I did first time in Australia. I also am afraid of rejection in different culture. Starting from ground zero is a daunting task and somehow it is harder not easier since I’ve done it once already. Logically it does not make sense, yet this is the main blockage – fear of failure and not being good enough. Also overthinking it is paralysing and slows my taking simple direct actions.
Interestingly enough, now that I see what I have written I am laughing. It does not seem so hard anymore. Thank you!
Mick
May 28, 2015What if I am not smart enough or to reiterate this what if I Just have not got what it takes .
Richard
May 28, 2015There is fear that I do not have the financial and intellectual resources to achieve the goal, and that it will involve a lot of hard work which I may not have the persistence to go through. Avoiding self disappointment and shame.
Trish
May 28, 2015What if I call someone and they think what I’m telling them is stupid? what if they reject me? what if I fail? what if I succeed? what if I’m not good enough? I know I’m self sabotaging but not sure what to do to change it.
Audrey
May 29, 2015What if I do so much work and I’m then overlooked? Oh yeah, it would still have been worth it to me personally to do the work. So there’s no reason not to take that next step (finishing the synopsis for Slamdance).
Fj
May 29, 2015what if I embarrassed during the presentations and workshops, what if I’m not good enough. I’ll fail. The felling is dissolved
Jeff Wolf
May 29, 2015Yes, my “What if” did resolve after some constant reinforcement. But I did notice that my What if has several move shades of grey to it. It wasn’t just one clear A to B kind of thought. As though the What if would would be replaced by another What If kind of item, that perpetuates the lack of action.
carmel
May 29, 2015What if my consults don’t achieve whatever it is my clients are looking for. What if i don’t sound professional and they think I’m a phoney. What if I get bored with the issue because they don’t follow through on the suggestions I make.
They called me because they know I can help them with the issue that keeps coming back into their life and nothing else can solve it. They know their environment affects how they live their life. They know deep down that where they live really matters in how their lives pan out.
What if they don’t believe that I believe.
I’m not good enough.
I am good enough and i can help people
Angela
May 29, 2015Q? What if I burn out trying to give of myself?
A! Giving of myself will be it’s own reward and I can set my own pace with a little extension each time to not be ‘too comfortable’ and not progress! And I can get help to avoid my own burnout. I have to put in before I can give out. And I can do that.
Q? What if I’m not strong enough to help others?
A! I’m teaching them to help themselves, guiding them not carrying them, not living their life for them. I will do my best and try to help them do their best, that’s all I can do. I won’t give up on them because I truly care and I truly believe I can enhance their happiness.
Q? What if I can’t get the resources together to get a car, computer, business license etc?
A! I have seen enough evidence in my life to know that these things come at the right time/price even though they may not be ‘the best’, they are still good enough for the purpose at hand until I can move forward and get something more suitable. As long as I put spiritual interests first, everything else falls into place.
Q? What if I succeed? I’m afraid to succeed! I don’t feel good enough to succeed!
A! I have an obligation to provide for myself. This is a good thing to do. My goals are not selfish but genuinely beneficial to myself and others. (That was hard to say, not because it’s not true, but because it is. There’s a little something inside me that calls me a liar. I’m afraid others might think of me that way.)
Q? OK. What if others think of me as a selfish and self-serving person for helping others and wanting them to be happy?
A! That’s not real, it’s a false belief perpetuated by my anxiety. I’m imputing bad motives to others where there is no basis for such thinking. (Logic! But the anxiety in me is still warring!) Bare with me, I have to work this through! What if others DO feel that way? Then they aren’t thinking/speaking the truth and for me to believe that they were would sabotage my own pursuit of contentment, satisfaction, happiness and achievement.
WOW! Powerful stuff! I’m feeling a release, some hope and excitement and a few tears!
Conclusion: If it’s right for me it will be alright, despite me! So I can be happy doing/achieving! (And the ‘despite me’ will fade away more and more as I allow Morty Lefkoe & Team to continue to help me to mold my thinking/feelings in a most positive and beneficial way.) Thank you!
Julie
May 29, 2015Feelings dissolve because I recognise that it’s all just my thinking.
Ido
May 29, 2015-What if i find out i’m not talented enough?
It will destroy my dream, I will be forced to see that my life will not be nearly as amazing as I had hoped
-What if i don’t have enough energy?
I will be broken, and i will suffer trying to fight the lack of energy and failing
-What if my visa to the US isn’t approved?
It will be a disaster. I will have wasted my time, and on top of that i will feel so stupid for trying
-What if I suddenly realize this isn’t my passion at all?
My life would completely fall apart. I will be lost. I will have wasted to much time and energy on something I believed I loved but I actually don’t care for very much
-what if i find out i have waited to long and it’s too late to develop a singing voice?
the regret I would feel would be intolerable. I will feel so stupid and weak for not starting years ago.
-what if people around me think I’m stupid or crazy for even trying? after all I want to be a professional singer and I can’t sing at all
I will be proven to be a naive idiot, who thinks he is more than he actually is
-what if I try to develop my voice and fail like i did in the past?
not only will it break my spirit for good, I will look stupid, and will be that person everyone laughs at who is completely unaware of how talent-less he is
Results:
I noticed how I put so much weight on something I love, and I created so much drama around it, that enjoying it was no longer an option – There would only be efforts to try to disprove these meanings I created, which would never really go away. Even though I have experienced a very significant breakthrough in the past with my voice, I didn’t follow through with it. Now I see that not only can I follow through with it but I actually feel like I want to push myself forward, I became curious to see what I am actually capable of, and I found desire to work at it even harder. I feel like I can find myself in very unexpected places in a very short amount of time. I guess I’m going at it now.
Thank you Morty.
Almitra
May 29, 2015I have need to call a family member about something that needs resolving. I’ve been avoiding it for years. Now, it’s back.
From doing the exercise, I realize that I was afraid that this family member erotic be dissolved in me, and I would feel embarrassed. But, when I realized that what’s actually happening is that something needs to be taken care of that is neither God or bad. And that I don’t really know how my family member will react, my emotions melted away.
This is so exciting! I have been worrying myself sick about this one thing for years. Now, I feel completely free!
Rich
May 29, 2015I’m trying to start a new project, and these are the What If’s that came up:
1. What if I fail again?
2. What if I don’t have what it really takes?
Meanings:
1. If I fail again then l will have wasted more of my time.
2. I’ve failed before so I’ll probably just fail again
3. What will other people think of me if I can’t produce success?
What’s happening right now?
Right now I’m sitting at my computer. I am sharing my What Ifs and their meanings to try and get a scholarship so that I can adopt a great mindset. I am also trying to start the wheels rolling on a new project and I have all the ability to start it.
The meaning I gave to the meanings included:
1. I’m scared that I don’t have what it takes and then when I fail people will laugh and say “I told you so.”
2. I’m scared that I will appear weak for trying and just another person who dared to live their dream and failed.
The reality is that most people want me to succeed and have my back. The meanings I’ve given to a couple of bad experiences in the past have skewed the meaning and the reality.
3. Another meaning is that I need to prove myself to everyone right away that I can succeed. Therefore, I give no time for myself to succeed and because I want instant success, I am scared let myself experiment and fail, because I don’t have time to waste. The reality is that success takes time, and I have all the time I need to produce the success I desire. I also realize that success builds on success, so I give myself permission to have a little success first and just keep building on that.
Upon realizing this, I feel lighter and more confident in myself. It’s like I can go and start that project because I released the shackles that were holding me back.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful method. I’m going to make a commitment to use it every time I find myself procrastinating.
Ken
May 29, 2015I need to do the right things but face overwhelm – too many urgent things to do.
What if I can’t get past overwhelm?
C. R.
May 29, 2015What if I’m a lousy writer? What if the subject of my story makes people yawn? What if I’m wasting my time on a craft that I love but not particularly good at?
Definitely self-confidence issues. I’m not good enough issues. Fear of failure. Issues I’m aware of but seem difficult to resolve. One thought/belief leads to the next and the next and so on. I’m a powerful believer that thought is first cause which then trickles down into our manifested world because I’ve been able to dissolve other unwanted beliefs from my experience in the past. It’s the deeply rooted stringy ones that seem to be the most challenging to pull up not to mention more time consuming. Is there a better, faster, easier way?? I definitely think so. That’s why I’m so attracted to this Lefkoe Method.
C. R.
May 29, 2015Thanks.
Gabriel
May 29, 2015Do my negative feelings and expectations dissolve? Yes, partly. But there are many meanings I’m giving and I don’t seem to uncover all of them. Hence I still experience some negativity.
najib
May 29, 2015the deffirence is like heaven and hell, thanks morty
Julie
May 29, 2015Task 2 – what if
1)I am avoiding moving forward in my coaching career. I have a course that I need to finish and I am 90% there.
I find that I do this a lot start something and do not finish and its really starting to frustrate me now. It is also increasing my belief of being a failure.
2) What if quesitons
a) What if I am a useless coach – I will get found out that I am a fraud
Past expereince has demonstrated to me that I am good at what I do and deliver a good session
All of my clients have gained value from our sessions and have moved forwards – even the reluctant ones
b) What if someone asks for their money that they have paid me back
You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. sometimes people are not ready to make the changes – if they have to do the work
Learn from it and move on
c) What if I actually make the situation for that person worse
Its possible but past experience has demonstrated that so far that fear has not been reliased
I always go above and beyond to make sure my clients recieve value
d) What if I find it do draining and hate doing it full time
I need to make sure that I take the time I need between sessions to centre myself
I need to develop strategies to remove negative energy picked up from clients
e) What if I am a really awful person
If there were true I would not have the wonderful people that I have around me
I do feel better and more centred and can feel my wanting to move forward with this
irina
May 29, 20151. I avoid sticking to a single practice/method and repeat it daily. e.g. meditation/affirmations/visualization/hypnosis/zen/etc
2. what if it’s the wrong choice that won’t take me to the desired result? what if there is a better way? what if I do it incorrectly? what if my goal is wrong? what if I feel different tomorrow?
3.- I’ll waste my time and will be disappointed and depressed again even stronger.
I won’t be consistent and dedicated, I’ll fail myself again, so I won’t be able to rely on myself.
4. I don’t know how to “Notice the reality of the situation. What’s really happening? Right now.
Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and the meaning you are giving the events that exists only in your mind.”
Right now things are happening in the world and I have negative thoughts in my mind that I have to change.
5. but they don’t change automatically. I have conflicts in my poor mind.
Engin
May 29, 2015I’ve been aware of the fact that my biggest ‘What if’ is what if all these don’t work out. Having found my passion in life after many years of studying things that I wasn’t interested in and working in jobs that I hated I finally found my calling. But because I want this thing work out so much I become paralysed sometimes due to fear- fear of things not working out, fear of failure…. “What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail? The thoughts I create stops me from taking actions.
So thinking the opposite “What if it works” “What if I succeed?” creates completely different experience and I feel excited about future. So that shows me that whatever I feel it is created by my thoughts and it is not real.
I feel both negatşve and positive meanings are dissolving and I feel calmer and more open to the possibilities
Danielle
May 29, 2015I’m lacking focus on a single area, I work up to a point and then when it requires me moving beyond my comfort zone I turn toward a new project or a different direction because ‘What if I fail?’ Failure to me looks like ‘What if people discover I don’t know everything about my field’, ‘What if people think I don’t understand the process?’, ‘What if people think I’m stupid?’ In reality the meaning I am giving to these events is a finality that will exclude me from a career in the field I love and that I have invested many years in, whereas I can choose to give alternate meanings like ‘I can use negative feedback as an opportunity to show I am open to feedback and constructive criticism and able to evolve and learn’ and ‘mistakes are opportunities to learn something new’ and ‘vulnerability makes you more accessible’. I have a lot of fear around failure, being accepted and valued that I need to focus on and peel back the layers. I do the same with relationships, when it gets challenging I often withdraw rather than address the underlying issue assuming the problem is a criticism of me by the other person and that anything less than perfection warrants rejection, whereas I am able to accept my friends and family as imperfectly perfect, I am trying to give myself the same acceptance in order to be a better friend, partner and parent. In regard to my weight I am eating a healthy, controlled diet and not able to shift the extra weight, the missing link is more exercise must I have fears around ‘What if I do the exercise and it doesn’t help?’ ‘What if I work so hard it hurts and it is still not enough?’ The underlying fear is around how I look and feeds back into the issues of acceptance and perfectionism, whereas in reality if I continue to eat a healthy and controlled diet and exercise and I still do not look ‘perfect’ I will at least be healthy. I need to remove the belief that success is only attainable when I attain perfection.
Mariam
May 30, 20151. I have been avoiding reading my textbook for my class that I have to read in order to pass my exam.
2. What if I feel like it’s too much to read and end up getting exhausted? What if I get sleepy and end up not getting a lot done? What if I fail at it and end up being disappointed in myself?
3. If I feel like it’s too much to read and end up getting exhausted i’ll feel defeated and that I just can’t get anything done. If i end up feeling sleepy i’ll lose hope that I’ll ever be able to get things done on time and feel that I’m just lazy and not motivated enough. If I fail, i’ll feel like i’m a failure and that I will not amount to anything.
4. The reality of the situation is that I have time on my hands and i’m postponing something that I can start right now in rder to save myself the excess worry if I have to cram at the last minute. Right now, all I know is that my fears have not materialized and my ‘what ifs’ are simply in my head. I can either take action or continue to stall time fearing what is only in my mind.
5. The event is that i’m not reading my textbook. The meaning I gave them are many regarding my fears of failing and losing hope in myself.
6. I feel like seeing how the event and meanings I gave the events are completely two separate entities and that have no connection to each other and that I attributed them to the events whereas it had nothing to do with the event itself. It definitely dissolved for me.
Cecile
May 30, 2015Fear of failing is always there. If you never start, you can’t fail. The reality is if you never try you can’t succeed. So to have the outcome I want, I have to try.
Arik Chepoy
May 30, 2015Thinking that What I’ve eliminated in What if’s is this:
My what if’s are all around: tired, exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed – truly the only thing that can stop me.
Now, I’ve though that by eliminating them then I won’t have these beliefs and triggers but I don’t know how I’m all wired up and so I go further eliminating the answers as well.
So far the experience is astonishing! I feel total…can’t describe it. I feel enlightenment from within and joy from doing the tasks without needing to feel bad(tired etc…) while doing them – so I can put up all my force.
daniel london
May 31, 2015I think this task is very crucial: because to me it has be so many ways around of which if I start anything doing I find it difficult to complete. So my « what if’s” question, what if’s this training am on now I could not able to get money to buy my own instrument to start my own business when am through. But the dissolving gut is that I can keep going as long the training will so much be useful.
KZ
June 1, 2015‘What if i don’t have what it takes?’, ‘What if i fail?’, ‘What will i think of myself then, and what will others think of me?’, ‘Another jaded disappointing downer experience!’, ‘What if i don’t even have the energy to follow through and complete things?’, ‘What if i can’t gather the resources and support to actually do it all?’…. I know that these events/questions exist only in my mind, but i can’t honestly say that the non-constructive feelings around them have dissolved in re-cognition of this.. just being really honest here. Any insight into this is welcomed 🙂 Good luck to me! 😉 Thank you for this opportunity!
Michelle
June 2, 2015I did all of the steps and came up with loads of What If’s and then stepped through to find out the meanings only I have been assigning. Wow, this made me realize that I’ve been deciding all of this in my head. Nothing has even happened! I’m putting all of this energy out there and I am just setting myself up to fail because I won’t even get started because I just think all of these negative thoughts about my potential love life and career. Enough!
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